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Back to School Horoscopes

Nikki Morgan, Sports Editor

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Be on the lookout for teachers who try to cramp your style with UVs. You may be in for a nasty surprise when you walk into a classroom wearing your new college sweatshirt that has a logo that is a quarter inch larger than your fist.



Be prepared for some tough practices and hot fall days. Make sure to wear your sunblock, or you may end up with a nasty sunburn, and you know those awkward shin guard tan lines won’t fade before Black and White.



Leos, you may be starting the new year off on a rocky note with a detention from the teacher of your choosing. Make sure to sell those mags and park in the parking lot, or you could be in for a world of pain.



With the start of school comes those pesky summer reading quizzes that you so blissfully ignored over summer. But, after the bliss comes the despair of looking at your PowerSchool GPA fall from its highest highs to the lowest lows when there is only one assignment in the gradebook. Try your best to at least find a summary of your books before time runs out.



Ah, the smell of new car is in the air as the newly-licensed juniors come skidding into the parking lot, eager to look cool in front of their peers and be rid of their parents kissing them goodbye in the drop off line. But, my dear Aries, beware of these drivers, for they may be your downfall this school year. Make sure to park as far away from them as possible.



Testosterone and awkwardness are plentiful this back-to-school season with the start of football fast approaching. A hormonal teenage boy could come your way this football season, so come prepared for terrible pickup lines and the overwhelming aroma of Axe body spray.



Virgo, this new school year will bring exciting new things with many new teachers to meet. Get ready for brand new and unique ways to pronounce your name and exhilarating icebreakers to really get to know your new class. Also, come prepared with all of your technology knowledge, so you can educate your new teachers on the wonders of AirDrop and Canvas.



The loss of the beloved iMessage and Snapchat may cause your communication skills to take a turn for the worse this year. But, have no fear, vintage is all the rage this season! Archaic forms of socialization like email and actual face-to-face conversations are making their comeback just in time for winter.



Mixers: one of the few times that it is socially acceptable to dance to Flo Rida’s “Low” in front of your Dean of Discipline. But, be careful when you pop it and lock it this semester, as it may lead to an unfortunate dance related injury or a viral video of you looking like you’re having a seizure.



Where is one place where you can always find long lines and confused freshmen? That’s right, it’s the Center. But beware, Sagittarius, for the angry wrath of lunch monitors and upper class women may reign down upon you if you try to cut this line.



Be sure to get on God’s good side this semester because the Mary statue will be watching. You may think that no one will see you texting your parents in between classes, but Mary knows and sees everything. She is judging you always, especially when you eat your daily piece of Pres bread and throw the bag on the ground instead of the garbage.



As much as we all love the videos of little kids being cute on Twitter, we all know that they can be a handful. Be sure to park your car away from the field this semester or you may be in for a nasty surprise. The young students of St. Chris will not be gentle to your windshield.


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