iTried: The Newest Apple Product


Ladies and gentlemen! From the company that brought you the MacBook, MacBook Pro, MacBook Mini, Macbook Air, Apple Watch, iPhone 4, iPhone 4s, iPhone 5, iPhone 5c, iPhone 6, iPhone 6s, iPad, iPad Mini, iPad Air, we now bring you the one and only iTried.  

This revolutionary new product is destined to change the way students all around the world grapple with procrastination, dilly-dallying, and lack of motivation.  The iTried is the most highly advanced task completion machine that the world has ever seen.

The iTried comes with hundreds of new features that are geared to improve the quality of life for users all around the world. The only thing users have to do is input their task list into the iTried and carry on normally. It detects their procrastination throughout the day and helps users to complete their tasks accordingly.

The iTried has built in iProcrastinate sensors that record the amount of time that a user’s eyes are away from their required tasks. It sends gentle warnings to return to the tasks at hand. If/when the warnings are ignored, the iTried manually takes over the tasks for the user.

Furthermore, using state of the art Bluetooth technology, the iTried monitors users’ Netflix queue and determines the length of time one has spent watching shows. The iTried then begins to complete their tasks for them, based on what show they are watching (e.g. Grey’s Anatomy leads to an automatic task completion while New Girl watchers only require a small assist on their tasks).

Lastly, if due to potential human errors and by some off chance a user’s tasks are not completed in a timely manner, the iTried has a state of the art iLie Excuse Creator that can generate hundreds of excuses in under thirty seconds. Excuses may include: we ran out of toilet paper last night and it was our only option, I accidentally turned my homework in as a Mag Drive donation, and most famously, Canvas was down last night.