Exposed: Fortress of Lies

Dusty Hill, our resident Conspiracy Analyst, weighs in on some of Presentation’s most chilling and well kept secrets. This article contains information They don’t want you to know. Proceed at your own risk.


Dusty Hill, Photo Editor

Poison At Pres

Have you ever refilled your bottle in one of the hallways’ water fountains? There’s a chance you’ve noticed the subtle metal taste or slightly brown color. If you let it sit long enough, you’ll see what appears to be dirt settle to the bottom.

So one day you forget your bottle at home. You head into the Center to purchase  some water… but wait, the bottled variety isn’t offered at Presentation’s cafeteria for “environmental reasons.” Out of thirst-driven necessity, you are forced to drink from the water fountains in order to remain hydrated throughout the day. But what exactly is in this “safe” water? Why are we given no other hydration options?

Money. They need and crave money to continue their evil works. Who exactly are They, you might be wondering? They are a secret group of the most powerful and influential leaders in the world. They are the true leaders of this institution. It’s not our principal like you’ve been told; it’s certainly not the nuns. That’s who They want you to believe is in charge. Miller and the nuns serve as a front for the operations of these true, evil world leaders, who have remained a secret until now.

Every year, They make students sign an agreement to the Presentation Constitution, without often reading it. On Part 3, Section 2, Paragraph 1- found on page 13 in the student planner, it reads, “When a student due to sporadic absences, misses six days in a class, she will automatically lose one unit of course credit.” In order to receive credit for the class, the student must complete an additional unit of work. On page 14 (Part 3, Section 2, Paragraph 2), it continues, “A $100.00 fee will be charged for each make-up unit project due before the make-up unit is distributed to the student.”

The most efficient way to ensure students are absent? Poison them. Fill their water with small dosages of deadly toxins that produce flu like symptoms while weakening the immune system. Ensure that students have no other water options on campus. Watch the rate of student absences rise as you reap the monetary rewards of your evil work. And then ensure that teachers jokingly label it “The Pres Plague” in order to avert suspicion.

They are poisoning our water. They are making money off of our illnesses. It’s only a matter of time before They poison our food for profit too.

Drink up.


Hidden Headquarters

“Why is parking such a hassle? Why can’t there just be a parking garage for the students?”

“Why is the wifi so exceptionally slow? It shouldn’t be this hard to provide us with a decent internet connection!”

“Why aren’t we allowed to ride the elevator in the amphitheater? My legs are tired!”

Common complaints of the Presentation student. All connected, if you know the truth. What exactly is under the campus of Presentation High School? Dear reader, I am risking it all to tell what needs to be told.

Hiding below this seemingly normal campus is the top-secret headquarters, reserved for the highest rank of world leaders. They are using this cinderblock campus to, quite literally, cover their evil work. Below you – at this very moment – they are running their devious schemes, flexing their overwhelming world control, and raking in more money than even imaginable.

First, the parking issue. An obvious one. Building a parking garage on campus would require the construction team to dig down in order to build a foundation. There is a significant risk that the underground headquarters would be discovered. Therefore, students remain parking on the street.

Next, the wifi issue. Massive servers that control and manipulate the New York Stock Exchange, amongst many other systems, make their homes under our very own feet. Of course the wifi on campus will be slow – world domination requires a decent amount of bandwidth.

And lastly, the elevator ban. Oh, the lovely elevators. The entrance to the headquarters, the golden chariot to the underworld of evil. There’s a reason that teachers yell so excessively when you use the elevator against the rules – their lives depend on protecting this monumental secret. ‘Tis a secret no longer.


When I disappear after this article is published for exposing the truth, do not look for me. It will only be a matter of time before They will come for you too.