The Voice

Approval Rating For Long DMV Lines Higher than the President for the First Time in Ever

Anna Roth, Reporter

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In addition to long DMV lines having historically high approval in comparison to the President, here is a list of things that are becoming vastly more popular than President Trump:

  • Paper cuts
  • Explosive food poisoning
  • Your in-laws
  • HPV
  • Splinters
  • The middle child
  • Angry bees
  • Crippling student loan debt
  • Getting a root canal
  • Having your wallet stolen
  • The Church of Scientology (if they’re reading this: hail Xenu, please don’t send Tom Cruise to take my first born)
  • A single toenail
  • Passive aggressive undertones
  • The caste system
  • Getting your car towed and then having to Uber to the nearest disgusting gas station only then to have to be picked up by your cousin Lisa (by far the worst cousin) because the rest of your family pretended to miss your calls because you’re the family’s ugly duckling while Lisa’s kids stare at you in the back of the Chrysler Town and Country as you weep in despair over the loss of your youth
  • Creationism
  • The feeling elicited by the phrase “Hey, can we talk?”
  • An earnest tribute to the acting career of Nicolas Cage
  • Forgetting to charge your phone
  • That one lone band-aid in the pool
  • Arthritis

This article is satire.

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