Administration and Students Agree: Ugg Slippers Are Spawns of Satan

Briana Gallo, Reporter

As many of you know, there is a strict rule against Ugg slippers in the uniform policy. We, the people of the Pres community, find this just and reasonable. We fully support the Administration in their decision and punitive actions. Below are featured footwear that are not at all similar and clearly a better choice.

Exhibit A: Athletic Slides

Foot support:

  • Plentiful arch support despite the thin soles
  • Open toe is perfect for letting your toes b r e a t h e

Style Points: Showing off your cute, always uniform approved socks and beautiful toes

Great for:

  • Wearing shoes when you do not want to be wearing shoes
  • Always staying on your feet and never making you trip every time you go up the stairs
  • Protecting your toes from being crushed and broken

Uniform Approved: Yes

Exhibit B: “Fuzzy” Crocs

Foot Support:

  • Cradles your feet like they are inside rubber duckies
  • Gives you a sense of quiet dignity

Style Points: I thought Crocs could not get any more attractive. I was mistaken.

Great for:

  • Making everyone around you comfortable
  • Making a statement
  • Wearing water shoes on land
  • Being the koolest kid in school

Uniform Approved: Yes

Exhibit C: Ugg Slippers

Foot Support:

  • Far more comfort than needed
  • The sole is too thicc and sturdy.
  • Your feet feel as smothered as a rebellious high school teen with overprotective parents.

Style Points: Murdering innocent sheep for “fashion.” Try being comfortable now knowing you’re wearing a dead animal.

Great for:

  • Getting a UV
  • Dishonoring your family
  • Breaking the rules of a well-respected institution
  • Making your feet sweat

I rest my case with complete confidence in the opinions portrayed. I owe the Administration the greatest of thanks for their omniscient wisdom and support of the student body’s wishes.