Administration and Students Agree: Ugg Slippers Are Spawns of Satan
February 6, 2018 • 188 views
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As many of you know, there is a strict rule against Ugg slippers in the uniform policy. We, the people of the Pres community, find this just and reasonable. We fully support the Administration in their decision and punitive actions. Below are featured footwear that are not at all similar and clearly a better choice.
Exhibit A: Athletic Slides
Foot support:
- Plentiful arch support despite the thin soles
- Open toe is perfect for letting your toes b r e a t h e
Style Points: Showing off your cute, always uniform approved socks and beautiful toes
Great for:
- Wearing shoes when you do not want to be wearing shoes
- Always staying on your feet and never making you trip every time you go up the stairs
- Protecting your toes from being crushed and broken
Uniform Approved: Yes
Exhibit B: “Fuzzy” Crocs
Foot Support:
- Cradles your feet like they are inside rubber duckies
- Gives you a sense of quiet dignity
Style Points: I thought Crocs could not get any more attractive. I was mistaken.
Great for:
- Making everyone around you comfortable
- Making a statement
- Wearing water shoes on land
- Being the koolest kid in school
Uniform Approved: Yes
Exhibit C: Ugg Slippers
Foot Support:
- Far more comfort than needed
- The sole is too thicc and sturdy.
- Your feet feel as smothered as a rebellious high school teen with overprotective parents.
Style Points: Murdering innocent sheep for “fashion.” Try being comfortable now knowing you’re wearing a dead animal.
Great for:
- Getting a UV
- Dishonoring your family
- Breaking the rules of a well-respected institution
- Making your feet sweat
I rest my case with complete confidence in the opinions portrayed. I owe the Administration the greatest of thanks for their omniscient wisdom and support of the student body’s wishes.
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