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Retitling Rom-Coms

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Retitling Rom-Coms

Isabella Granqvist, Reporter

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It’s February, which means it’s rom-com season! (Who am I kidding? Every season is rom-com season.) Whether you have a date to watch them with or you’re just a fan of the genre, there are a few things to keep in mind about some of our favorite rom-coms. Here’s a list of some of the best (and slightly problematic) rom-coms… with some more accurate titles.

 

10 Things I Hate About You

Synopsis: A strange family dating rule–no dating until the oldest sister dates–prompts sophomore Bianca to convince her would-be boyfriend Cameron to get her older sister, Kat, a date. Cameron then finds local “rebel” Patrick and bribes him to take out Kat. What follows is your classic I-didn’t-like-you-but-then-I-got-a-few-hundred-bucks-to-take-you-out-and-it-really-changed-my-perspective-and-now-I-like-you.

Rating: 10/10 Heath Ledgers. (-1 because SPOILER: Patrick gives Kat a guitar at the end of the movie to make up for getting paid to date her and Kat just accepts it! He bought it with the money he got from manipulating her… but nice guitar, I guess?) I don’t know if buying your women is the best way to go, Heath.

Alternate Title: 10 Times I Was Paid To Take You Out

 

A Christmas Prince

Synopsis: A “quirky” and “adorkable” American reporter finds herself covering an article on a British-sounding prince during Christmas time in an obscure European country. Typical Hallmark romance ensues between the reporter and the prince, complete with basically every cliche you can come up with. Even my gullible self was able to predict about 90 percent of the movie’s events accurately.

Rating: 100/10 cliches. One of the worst rom-coms I’ve ever seen, but it was absolutely hilarious. Would watch again. (-1 for an acorn ornament that plays a key role in the climax… An. Acorn. Ornament.) -1 million points for the token annoying child that makes the love interest seem more endearing. I know I’m supposed to like you, but guess what: I don’t! You’re obnoxious.

Alternate Title: I Wear Converses Everywhere So You Know I’m Quirky

Alternate Alternate Title: What’s In the Acorn??

 

Clueless

Synopsis: A young and rich California teen, Cher, tries to improve the life of fellow classmate Tai. In the process she betters herself… and falls for her ex-step-brother. Nasty.

Rating: 2/10 for a relationship that, while perfectly legal, still manages to make me feel slightly uncomfortable every time I watch it. Incest is not wincest, kids. I think Cher’s father says it best: “You divorce wives, not children.” Um, ew?

Alternate Title: Incest Isn’t That Bad?

Alternate Alternate Title: I Have a Way Cooler Closet Than You, And I Know It

 

13 Going on 30

Synopsis: After a magic dollhouse falls on her, Jenna, a snotty 13-year-old, has her wish to become 30 come true when she time travels to her future. She then finds out that she’s actually a terrible person. Whoops? Over the course of the movie, Jenna falls for her best friend, Matt, whom she previously hardcore friendzoned. Your favorite rom-com about time travel, infidelity and wishing dust!

Rating: 4/13 teenagers? Jenna’s kind of a sucky person at 30, but I guess that’s the whole point. The real problem here is that Matt only seems to fall in love with Jenna when she acts like an immature teenager, which is… troublesome. Also, wasn’t he engaged when she started knocking on his door, saying she was a 13-year-old in a 30-year-old’s body? (The answer is yes, he was. I do my research.)

Alternate Title: 13 Going on Psycho

Alternate Alternate Title: Matt’s Fiance–Wow, I Dodged A Bullet

 

50 First Dates

Synopsis:  Henry is a playboy with a *gasp* fear of commitment, but all that changes when he meets Lucy. He soon realizes that Lucy, after having a terrible accident the year before, has amnesia and thinks it is the same day every day. Because of this, she is unable to remember any time she spends with Henry, a.k.a. Adam Sandler (a blessing in disguise, perhaps?) Henry decides to win her over every day rather than live his life, and by the end of the movie (SPOILER) manages to both marry her and have kids with her. How? I’ll never know.

Rating: -50/10 Adam Sandlers. The fact that Adam Sandler convinced anyone to fall in love with him once, let alone fifty times, is making it really hard to suspend my sense of disbelief. Also, what kind of garbage writer signed off on this amnesia??? Forgetting your life every single day?

Stop the rating. I just want you to imagine waking up in a stranger’s bed, and you’re nine months pregnant. I mean, what?? I am emotionally and physically disturbed.

Alternate Title: 50 Different Restraining Orders

 

By the way, this is what happens when you’re an English nerd who loves rom-coms… yes, most of these are based on books.

Happy watching, everyone!

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Isabella Granqvist, Reporter

Isabella is a junior at Presentation High School. She loves to read, write, and dance ballet. She is a huge bookworm and is especially obsessed with 19th...

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Retitling Rom-Coms